Falling in Love with Laos
She was afraid to fall in love again — with a country, its culture, its people.
When they had first arrived there several years earlier, she already knew. She could feel her heart sweetly quiver. It was so subtle she could ignore it. So she did. Best not to get hurt like that again.
Her first experience there was not even a good one. She and her husband had taken an overnight bus from Chiang Mai, Thailand to Luang Namtha, Laos. In the middle of the night, the bus driver dropped them off on the side of the road near a bus station, 7 kilometers away from town. They found a dingy hotel at the bus station and after repeatedly banging on the gate, a sleepy man grudgingly took them in and gave them a room. In the morning they finally found the right minivan to take them to Luang Namtha. Despite being abandoned on the side of the road as their first experience in Laos, they made it through.
She also felt something stir from the moment they arrived in Laos. What was it? Everywhere they went inspired her – from an eco-trek in lush mountain landscapes, to exploring a heritage town with its old temples and traditions. Everyone they met moved her – from the young Lao man who took them to visit his Tai Dam weaving village, to the staff member at a textile boutique who shared all she knew about traditional weaving techniques and ethnic motifs. Was it just the excitement of being in a new place and being delighted by it all? That must be it, she told herself. It’ll wear off.
See, she had fallen in love with another place when she was young. The Japanese aesthetic and spirituality first drew her in and she lived in Japan for a while, studying its traditional arts and learning its spiritual beliefs. She met a Japanese man, they fell in love, and later married. After a while her sweet quivering heart started to quake and throb. It was full of longing, desperate to be accepted and belong. She was later devastated by a divorce to all that she had loved – her husband, his culture, his country. But they were never going to accept her anyway. She was never going to be Japanese.
She returned to Laos the next year, the start of her annual trips to Laos to import handmade textiles. She felt that sweet quiver in her heart again and again in those early years. She was cautious and yet curious. Laos was different from Japan. And so was she, many years later. She didn’t need to prove herself, or to try to be accepted. She was who she was, enough.
After more travels to Laos, she felt the sweet quiver in her heart soften and deepen. There was something about Laos that she knew all along that kept her coming back, she finally had to admit. She could love Laos freely and joyously, almost secretly. Laos had given her space for healing. Laos had offered her liberation she didn’t know her soul needed. Laos knew her secret and set her heart free.
“Falling in love with Laos” was originally published in April 2020 on Indigo Lion Handmade’s website. Written by MaryLouise Marino.
